I’ve gone on about my lifeless love life on here before but in a rather cryptic way (I just don’t want to let the whole world know about my life just yet).
Before I go into the dream let me give a brief summary of what happened in real life between (who I am going to call) J. We’ve know each other for about 5-6yrs, to be honest we never kept in contact, we’ll have a great conversation if we saw each other and the odd text here and there but nothing constant… even for friends. But about a few years ago J contacted me and we kept in constant contact for about 8months, we got closer, flirted more but just never took that step across the line…. Why? Partly because of other factors that made us feel it would never work. Although we kept in contact, kept flirting and eventually started to drift apart but that feeling was still there (at least on my side). In a sense I spent like almost year unknowingly waiting…. But its over now. It was over when J told me he might start seriously seeing someone else (this was quite a few months).
So, last night I had a rather enjoyable dream…. It was enjoyable in the fact it was a pretty normal dream. Of course some of the surroundings were a little different but I know where it was when I thought back about the dream.
So the dream started off (well as far as I can remember) just outside my house, in my ‘area’ as I like to call it. There was some sort of gathering, quite a few of my friends were there, we’re just chatting and having fun….. I was there with J (J has nothing to do with the person associated, but I just happen to like ‘J’ at this very moment)…. we were a couple… We were officially together!! He had met my friends and how my dream reveals it, they get along!!
J and I were like a proper couple (you know what I mean when I say that right? We were physical)!! You can tell I’m a little shocked by it right? I liked the dream, us as a couple was how I thought it would be! But the me in the dream had thoughts of the relationship changing, his feelings were changing as the me in the dream thought of things like “are we only together because I pushed for it?”.
At one point in the dream I had to go into the house, when I came back out J was gone… I asked my friends where J was and they said he had gone home, he was making his way to the train station. I felt that something was wrong, he didn’t even say goodbye, didn’t even let me know he was going!! It couldn’t end like this I had to do something!! So I went after him. I ran to the train station!! I could see him on the packed platform, I had to get to him…. But the station was surprisingly packed, I was trying to get to the platform and there was a rush of people trying to leave!! The station was a little more complicated, there were a lot of stairs!!! I can see a train pulling up to the platform but I’m almost there, almost there, I shout out his name… I get to the platform but the train doors have closed…. Where is he? He’s not on the platform, but I can’t see where on the train he is! He’s not here… The train leaves and its just me on the platform, just me in the station, no one else. J‘s gone, and all I wanted to do was grab him, kiss him and say goodbye, knowing that it was the end.
So there my dream ended, I woke up.
The dream in some ways hinted out my regret in what had happened between J and myself. But it can’t be changed now, it will be one of the few regrets I have, something I will always think back and ask myself ‘what would it be like if…’. I wouldn’t say I’m uber depressed or anything, its just a thought.